Out with the Cock, In with the Bitch

Chinese New Year came on Sunday. The weather looked like it was going to be nice as I took a glimpse from my bed at 9AM. Scattered clouds, blue skies and seemingly warm temperatures. I got up at 10, showered from head to toe (a no-no according to tradition) and headed out to Chinatown. I got there around 1130, met up with some friends and went to a temple. I'm not particularly religious nor superstitious but I rather not mess with the funky funk. That kind of weird thinking still gets into your head in eerie ways.

The temple was vibrating with throngs of Chinese folks praying, inserting lit incense into the giant worship pot, getting their vegetarian lunchboxes and sipping holy water. Nevertheless, the urgency of doing things was ever so prominent as it appeared I was in everybody's way. Then again, it's typical. One would have thought that on this particular day, the folks would be more courteous. The courtesy is the fact that they don't curse you out aloud. Rather, they instigate with a smile and sneer while cursing you silently because you got in their way.

I find myself somewhat amused as the busy bees are buzzing with selfish rituals of bribery to the Gods of Luck, Fortune and Longevity. It's quite interesting that most of the people are only concerned about themselves rather than a general overall well-wishing for global peace or the end of violence. It's more like "I left you lots of food and burned lots of Hell Notes, so I hope you know to take care of me, especially when I go to the casinos or at the mahjong tables and make sure I don't get sick this year."

Prior to the beginning of the festivities, we tried to navigate Chinatown and it seemed to have lost that authentic feel. Years ago, the emasculation came in the form of banning fireworks by Mayor Rudy because it was dangerous and contributed to the continued survival of the illegal enterprises. (But it was okay for the Italians to set off lots of them during July 4th because it's tradition and America is about celebrating traditions and is the great melting pot.) Thousands of confetti-producing poppers were being sold at exorbitant prices to the mass of Chinese and non-Chinese trying to catch a glimpse of the 2006 celebrations.

My heart truly ached for the days of firework smoke and sound, the many dragon dances not subject to corporate sponsorship and the absence of self-promoting-bullshit artists. Maybe I'm a purist, but some things ought to be pure. Except bottled water.

Time's Up

Today, I made the decision to find a new job and get out of the current one. I had been happy but that slowly eroded and nearly came to a head last Friday when I practically told the general manager he was a dick. Afterwards, I just gave it to my supervisor. As it seems, my days are numbered and it's just a matter when I get a new job.

I really enjoyed working there as my Cantonese skills improved greatly as I deepened my vocabulary and picked up a lot of idioms. That joy started its descent last year when I was shafted on my bonus. Though I performed the work of two people, I got a tenth of one year's salary, the reason being that the bank didn't make budget. So I asked if I was penalized for that fact, the gm offered nothing but excuses like "some people didn't get anything", "you got the biggest bonus" and "the nature of the business". BULLSHIT!

The bank didn't hit budget again for 2005 and I did better than last year. Guess what's going to happen come the end of February? Yup, I'm going to get shafted again. So fuck'em! I'm going to stay around until I get my pittance and then bolt. Presumably, my supervisor is going to put in for a rank upgrade so that I get four weeks of vacation this year. This is another pisser as one guy in my department got four weeks right off the bat but produced a fraction of what I did.

Another thing I'm looking forward to is Chinese New Year. When the Year of the Rooster rang in last year, I was pretty stoked until this narcissistic woman jinxed my ass. Hairy, as she is so endearing called, said that the Chinese gods are not pleased with the children born in the year of their sign. Basically, if you're a Pig, the year of the Pig isn't good for you. I hadn't known about this and felt kind of hexed. 2005 was a bit funky compared to the other years that I can remember. Then again, I have been on a big tear since November 2003.

In any case, bring on the Bitch! Er, the year of the Dog.

Plame Blame Game

Did anyone see last night's 60 minutes? The first part was on the CIA leak case in which the special prosecutor indicted VP Cheney's chief of staff, Scooter Libby, for making false statements and obstruction of justice. The piece more or less centered on the effects of Plame's outing with commentary from fellow retired undercover agents and Plame's husband, former ambassador Joe Wilson.

Though I'm usually on the left of issues, I do agree with certain right-of-center matters such as a strong defense and national security. I think it's totally messed up that W's people fucked over the American public by outing one of its agents and, consequently, putting other people's lives in danger just because someone disagreed and criticized W.

An article in today's NY Daily News quotes Gary Bauer, a former Republican presidential candidate, as saying that Plame's sending her husband on "a mission that ended up in a very real way being used to undermine the President's desires in foreign policy" can be argued that "she sought to 'undermine' the administration". How fucking stupid are these right-wingers?

By outing our own agent, the administration set back the network she established to gain intelligence on foreign activities which could affect the national security of the U.S. When the folks on the hill bitch about not knowing how shit happens because we don't have assets in place, this is a perfect example of why we didn't know since shit got messed up.

Robert Novak and whomever (Cheney, Libby, Rove, Wolfowitz, & Co.) told him should be anally cattle-prodded and publicly bitch-slapped before being sent up for 15 year bid. But knowing how W is loyal to "his people", he'd probably pardon them. It seems "his" people is more important than the American people.

We need a serious presidential candidate in 2008, not another platform partyline spewing schmuck to led this country. We need someone like Arnold Vinnick or Matt Santos from the West Wing, no bullshit, just straight-up fix this country.

W, kiss my ass!

To the Feds monitoring this blog: this is only an opinion as I'm sure you'd want kick the shit out him too.

Tutoring

Last Tuesday I finally decided that I should tutor my nephew because I found out that this seventh grader had the reading level of a second grader. DOH! I had figured he was lazy and bored like most 12 year olds. So, on Sunday, I picked him up and brought him to my place where we had lunch and I wanted to get him in the mood to learn.

I had him do his homework for an hour before I went over the answers with him. I had to draw upon a lot of patience as I went over his answers. Perhaps, he a bit scared of me from when he was younger and I was scarier. But, I get the impression he keeps lying to himself and others. Nevertheless, he guessed at all the answers because he really doesn't understand what's going on. The patience part: as I explained to him how sentence structures work, it totally baffled me that he didn't understand what I was saying. So I tried again, hoping that he's figure out that one plus one equals two and that two minus one equals one. All I got was a baffled look from him.

As the afternoon wore on and I passed up on knowing the football scores, I came to the following conclusions:

1. He needs glasses
2. He needs someone to speak English with him
3. He needs to stop watching Chinese videos
4. He needs to want use the noggin as opposed to obeying commands
5. He needs to have understand what he's reading and fatten his vocabulary
6. He needs to stop going to those uncaring it's-all-about-the-loot Chinese after school centers

Though stressed, I remain hopeful since he's only 12 and the learning curve, though nearly vertical, can be flattened in the next five years.

I'll be ready again this Sunday.

End of 3Q

September came and went quite quickly and I haven't had a chance to say anything here. As it's the third day of the last quarter of 2005, I'll go through a quick summary:

Labor Day weekend: I don't remember what I did
The following weekend: It was my friend's birthday and she wanted to get trashed. So we got her trashed. With the alcohol coursing through her body, she revealed quite a few things going on in her world: (i) she's been seeing a guy of questionable character and (ii) she was diagnosed as having some pelvic disease. Though I left early that Friday night, I stayed up because I was on the first flight to LA. I'm so glad football season started. Woohoo! The redeye flight back to New York Monday night sucked as I'm too tall to sleep across the entire row of seats. This resulted in another episode of a pulled muscle and/or pinched nerve on the right side of my back. Still lingering to this day.
The following weekend: It was the birthday night of another friend who patiently took care of me when I was completely shitfaced on my bday weekend. He drank enough but wasn't too gone. But drama erupted that night over another matter: a torn black tank top. It's much too complicated to really discuss here. BUT, long story short, the guy was drunk and had a bit of macho pride. He ripped a borrowed tank and his gf got upset. Being drunk, he acted stupid and etc.
The following weekend: I had procrastinated cleaning the apartment since Memorial Day because the heat and humidity weren't conducive to doing a good job as I'd drip sweat on the freshly mopped floor. I had prepped the apartment the entire week putting stuff away to make a session go smoothly. Took me five hours to complete the housecleaning and laundry but I was quite satisfied. I chose to stay in to enjoy my clean home.
Past weekend: I had been listening to Armin Van Buuren (a big European deejay) for some time now, especially Thursday afternoons when he does his A State of Trance sessions. He spun at Crobar this past Friday night from 2AM until 8AM. The first two hours were amazing and the rest was typical late-night club fare. From 530 to 800, it was excruciating as I was so damn tired but the folks that I went with didn't want to leave until AVB was done. Got home at 9AM, showered, did some laundry, did my football thing and then slept for 3.5 hours. Went to a barbeque/open house where I worked the mini-grill (the hostess' bf was on the maxi-grill). Headed out to Chinatown for coffee and dessert before retiring for the night. Got up kind of late on Sunday and was going to head out to Manhattan to check out PastryAuntNY's new crib but a block party was one and folks double-parked on both sides of the street. Since I couldn't move the car, I bought a few bagels and went home to make breakfast and watched football all day long.

Not much has been happening during the week as it's a zombie routine of waking up, showering, shaving, dressing, heading out to work, coming home, eating, read/watch tv/CS a bit and then sleeping. However, the last week was the start of the fall season of shows so I'm kind of excited. I'll be catching West Wing, Desperate Housewives, Grey's Anatomy, Boston Legal, Alias and Night Stalker. Other shows I'd want to see but haven't yet are: Lost, Invasion and Rome. I'll probably find them from the torrents.

Happy Birthday to Deedee (I hope you're reading this). I did call you that day but I was pretty strung out from the flight back from LA so I sounded kind of loopy. Still am.

Going Nowhere

Alternate side parking means that New York City's Sanitation department comes around when it wants to remove garbage placed by the curb. During school days, you cannot park near or in front of a school from 7AM to 4PM. So I had to move the car this morning because of the double whammy potential ust mentioned. I find parking in front my cousin's house over by the Brooklyn Eighth Avenue Chinatown, which is nearly as stinky and dirty as the Manhattan one. But it's okay, I have my iPod on and the music is going.

Upon arrival to the train station, a sign says there's no train to Manhattan, one must take the Brooklyn train deeper to another station to catch any trains going to Manhattan. Nice! Especially as throngs of smelly and unbathed Chinese stream into the station. It's okay, the iPod is now fully kicking. Here's come an N-train. I get off two stops later at New Utrecht. There's a D train but its doors just closed, so I wait as it's only 725AM. AHA! An N-train arrives and runs express to 36th Street. Woot woot!

At 36th Street, the N-train I'm on comes in on the local side but an N-train also comes streaming into the station on the express track. Damn, it's my lucky but funky day! Now, it's my fourth stop and there's two more stop til Canal Street. At 815, I arrive in the original and ever-smellier Chinatown. It's still early so I opt for a steak bagel from McDonalds and a well-done hash brown. The only thing to blow my interesting morning commute was the shitty coffee that came with it.

I'm taking a short break now and going to Starbucks for my usual venti. Mmmmm.....

National Geographic

I'm tired because I missed the first showing of Part 2, Zero Hour, of the two part series, Inside 9/11. The repeat aired at 1AM. Having seen the first part Sunday night, I wasn't going to miss Part 2. The channel did an amazing job chronicling the events leading up to that horrible day and ended with the reporting of the latest bombings in London last month. It concluded with a remark from Bin Laden himself in November: "We love death. The U.S. loves life. That is the difference between us."

We live in messed up times. Smile and say "hello" to your neighbors.

Daily commute

As I've done both the drive and taking the train to work, I surely choose driving to work because I don't have to deal with the packaged sardine atmosphere. It's not that I'm grumpy in the morning, the iPod and magazines help with taking me to my happy place. I can deal with people being a little rude as we all want to get to work on time or have things to do wherever we're going. I'm also okay with older ladies, sometimes the men, pushing me to get to the just vacated seat. What does bother me is:

BODY ODOR: I can understand if one woke up late and had to get going. But, please, shower, wear clean clothes or do something about the funk since I'm sure you quietly bitch about it too. We all know that the N train is the worst with its occasional non-working air-conditioning, so with the summer full on, swipe some Arrid/Secret/Degree or whatever to your pits when you wear your hoochie-ass lingerie-looking tops. Maybe, wash your clothes more often as well as your hair or let air move through your apartment so your clothes don't stink. PLEASE DO SOMETHING ABOUT THAT B.O. that obviously singed your sense of smell cuz you ain't fine if you stink. *SNAP, Turn, SNAP, Walking Away*

In the nearly two years that I've been commuting on the N line, I have been pushed, stepped on and shoved. Usually, I keep my mouth shut as they almost always seemed worry that I'd kick their ass when they look up to see who's pushing back or not moving out of their way. I don't mind folks rushing for a newly open seat or trying to get onboard with a loaded train. Just recently, the free local paper rated all the trains and the survey said that the N line is by the worst bang for the buck. Thanks Mr. Murphy.

For those who have that rage (or are in denial) about the shitty traffic on the daily commute, please fret not. You are comfortably seated. You can control the temperature of your environment. You can change the radio station/cd. You can pull over for a mocha latte and/or donut. Just be mindful of the moving traffic, pedestrians and avoid rubbernecking. Most importantly, you don't have to worry about stinky body odors.

Nicotine-free: 3.5 days and holding on.

Deja New

As I was entering the loo this morning, I had a deja vu experience that took me back to last year's August 17th. That was the day I first blogged about my relationship with a particular woman to which a male friend having an insider's view quickly alerted that woman. Thus, a friendship dating back to elementary school ended.

That experience taught me several things:

1. That woman is an unmotivated broke-ass moocher
2. That guy probably still faults me for outing my dirty laundry (no names were used) because if he could figure out who I was blogging about, so could the whole world
3. I'm better off today having realized how much I was taken for granted
4. I needn't feel guilty for saying "no"
5. Unconditional friendship or love is cool; it isn't when it's one-sided

It might sound tit-for-tit, but the energy flow in friendships and relationships go both ways. I'm just dismayed that I get this silence or frown when I say "no" now. That's just wrong.

What's happened in a year's time?

1. I learned that woman has been a moocher for long time
2. That guy blogs almost incessantly here on blogspot!
3. I don't feel guilty saying "no" anymore
4. I do consider helping out when asked; it's not nearly as automatic as before
5. I'm simply happier and know myself better

It would be funny if that guy reads this entry and publishes on his blog how I once again should/shouldn't, is/isn't and/or must/mustn't. Bite me bitch.

Oh, it's been 37 hours and counting. Has nothing to do with Peter Jennings but it's just time to stop. Almost caved last night; luckily, I had no cash and wasn't going out once I got home. Phew! The power of "No" can be righteous.

Becoming clear...

Last night, I had some unsettling thoughts about my health. For the last three years, I had a minor heartbeat irregularity. I had seen a cardiologist who said that it wasn't anything to worry about. For a period of a few months just after I moved out, it went away. Of course, thinking about it, it came back.

Today, on the train ride home, I started having thoughts about an impending heart attack. I'm guessing that my body is telling me that it's time to give up the smoking, finally get down to 200 and limit the boozing to once every other week or a month. I have three packs left.

I think I'm ready. I'm pretty sure of it. I'm ready to believe. Interesting how I was wondering about faith just the other night.

Is more better?

Generally, more is better. However, that isn't the case at work. In the first quarter, we were ahead of budget and I was slacking given my very apparent demeanor with regards to the impending raise and bonus worries. Lo and behold, my worries came true, I got shafted. For a moment, I did wonder if I was an integral part of the team or not. Maybe I should just look for a new job.

Then the fan started to breakdown and the workflow picked up. We lost the 3-person team in our Queens office, fired an incompetent but picked up another one and people started paying off their loans. Now, the budget is about $150 million behind. Whoa!

To the relief of the GM, I narrowed that gap by 1/3 and probably can make up 1/2 to 3/4 of the rest by the end of the year. Yet, the dude still persists is pushing me to make up the end amount. As an incentive, homey offered a scrumptious dinner challenge which I met but he hasn't come through yet. As additional incentive, homey give me another pittance of a raise which was appreciated but more noted.

The words "good job" used to mean something. Now, it's "what else do you have?" Dammit, I'm going to be the branch sole BACON-DUDE for 2005 and I worry that I will again be disappointed come next year. The crappy highs-and-lows that I put myself through is based on the premise that I do indeed like the job but the pay sucks.

Thank you, Mr. Murphy. More would be better is if it was matched with the performance. I think I need a nice slice of spiced carrot cake.

Old School Fools

Though many family members and friends meant well, their words and actions were either misinterpreted or just came out wrong. Before my aunt passed away, a few came by to visit when she was conscious. They questioned her on why she would do such a "dumb thing", doesn't she "feel guilty" for putting her family through this and groped at her amputated leg. As we all wanted to know why, all the cousins seemed to be able to hold their tongues on those aspects and tried to be positive. BUT, the elders hammered at her. It drove my cousins and I mad.

DAMMIT! She was hurting already and professing her apologies and confessing her pain which we, the Americanized cousins, heard and told her it was okay and that she'll get better. Why can't the elders for all their frigging wisdom just keep their traps shut? I am particularly upset with another aunt who had a silly long-standing beef with Aunt RIP. I recall at the hospital where she was there for the "last visit" talking crap and then faking sympathies. Grrrrr......

A serious generation and tradition gap surely existed in full force during that tough week. I see it in the funeral arrangements too. I just don't get the politics of elder traditions. I take some blame for being too American.

I would say or do something but have resisted. I hope I can maintain this stance at the wake and funeral this week. Thanks to all those conveying their condolescences.

Life and Death

Friday night was about the celebration of life 34 years ago for a friend. The day before, it was my nephew's 12th birthday. On Sunday, it was my buddy's daughter's 2nd birthday. However, my aunt passed away on Friday as she never recovered from the accident and pneumonia.

I had last seen her awake on June 22nd prior to taking a week's vacation in Wisconsin. Upon my return July 2nd, I was shocked to discover that she had caught pneumonia and was heavily sedated and medicated. I saw her last Monday; she seemed to have lost some weight and my cousin was whispering hopeful words into her ears.

When I got the call Friday night, I was in the middle of the celebratory dinner but I think I hid it well. Though I had driven out, I thought about getting drunk but a few shots later and no buzz catching hold, I gave up and went home early. I was in bed by 130AM.

Another funky week

Just as I thought things would brighten up, it did in a hot and humid way. New York gets so damn hot and humid that one would think a jungle exploded here. I sucked it up for a week and finally bought and installed two air conditioner units. Took about three hours at full blast to cool the place down. Of course, Mr. Murphy decides to bring a cold front and this week is looking pretty nice with lower humidity and temperatures in the mid-70s. Luckily, I got my ACs interest free until January 2006.

Work sucks! The bosses are hammering us for new and more deals but their if-shit-can-happen-then-it-will-definitely-happens attitude isn't helping. I just calculated that I should have booked about $145 with $50 to be closed shortly and another $45 to go. But NOooooooooooooooooooo......they wimps are dinging deals for the dumbest reasons. Dammit, they wanted to grow the portfolio by $150 this year and I could have gotten them there already.

To make this worse, they gave me a pittance of a raise and bonus despite that fact that I accounted for 45% of the book last year.

What did I learn from this? I'm never working for another Chinese bank again as soon as I find a gig and bail.

Ouch!

This has been a funky week. During lunch on Tuesday, I received a call from my cousin that an aunt of ours had tried to kill herself by jumping in front of the train. Typical of my instant cold practicality, I concentrated on finishing the crossword puzzle. I didn't finish and it wasn't because I was dwelling on the horrific news. Afterwards, I went upstairs to my office to get my usual after-meal cigarette. As I lit up outside, it hit me. I was shaken and wondering what's going on. Thinking about why she would do it. How my cousins must be tripping out. Then I remembered hearing that another beloved cousin had accidentally overdoesed recently mixing cold/flu medicine.

I left work early to go to the hospital. The older boys were holding up well, the youngest at 17 was shaky. My uncle was a mess. My aunt has just returned from a CAT scan and was groggy from the painkillers. She lost skin from the burns, lots of blood and her left leg. She appeared really swollen and occasionally came in and out of consciousness as evidenced by eye movements and weak attempts to speak.

I don't understand fully but I think I get the concepts and some shrink speak on suicide. I've been down, depressed and moody but never once did I ever contemplate offing myself. I have on occasions thought that I would die and seemed to welcome it, especially as I was falling asleep. The closest I came to death was falling out of the raft in Costa Rica and the currents pulled me underneath as I was running out of breath. I opened my eyes to see what the onset of death was like. It seemed bright but that was really the work of my lifejacket bringing me back to the surface.

I've blogged a few times on my Xanga site but haven't recently. I've started again today after reading the serial thoughts of a friend's wife as she narrate the wonderful hysteria of being a mother. Maybe I'll write more.

P.S., I thought about taking the Spurs, minus 6.5, and over 176 tonight. The score at halftime is Detroit 37 and San Antonio 35. PHEW!